Dear Beautiful Boy,

Today, you turned fourteen and I know I say this in my mind every year, but I can’t quite believe you’re so big! Such a big, beautiful boy and yet still so very innocent.  For weeks, you’ve been reminding anyone who would listen, “Twenty FIIIIIVE March, Adam’s Birthday!!!” This usually followed by a happy dance, a big grin or pointing at a calendar just to be sure we understood.

But when I asked if you knew how old you would be on this day, you looked at me blankly, having never considered the idea of age. I explained, “On his birthday, Adam will be fourteen years old.” You repeated that number back to me but then seemed to forget it; the concept of age is not important to you so it didn’t linger in your mind because other things were far more important.

My darling boy, there is so much about you that is utterly beloved for it’s innocence, while also immensely poignant. In your physical size and stature, you are clearly a boy of fourteen and could even be mistaken for an older one – considering you are now as tall as me and heavier than me. But cognitively, developmentally, you remain constantly frozen at about the age of three…give or take. Your birthday list is still filled with a desire for toys usually marketed towards toddlers, with their bright lights and repetitive sounds, simple, easy to operate buttons and in terms of trains, large connectors designed for small fingers to easily fit together. 

Indeed the contents of that birthday list were very clear…in your own head, if not verbally except to those who know you and can translate your speech. For example, “semeh miher” (or as nearly as I can spell how it sounded) was actually “cement mixer” but you couldn’t quite wrap your tongue around the complexity of those syllables so you came as close as you could. Other things were much clearer, because “VTech Alphabet Town” was a duplicate of a toy you already have, but you wanted the version in lower case, to complement the version in upper case that you love so much. They say the devil is in the detail! In that case, you clearly pointed to your own toy, to the branding label on it and then to the letters saying “VTech alphabet town, lower case! Lower case nice, yes!” 

However, there are other ways in which your birthday list is very complicated because having seen certain videos of toys on YouTube, you wanted That.Exact.Model. To you, it makes no difference that the toy you have seen is an early edition, or now distinctly “vintage”, you don’t want the new version of the toy, you want the version you have spotted. Even to the point that when one of your staff friends and I were with you in the toy shop, we pointed out a newer model of the same toy and you were distinctly unimpressed, but when I found the older version on eBay, you lit up right there in the shop and started dancing and pointing – “Yes! Yes nice! Adam’s birthday” as you stared at the screen. Then you firmly took the newer model toy out of my hand and returned it to the shelf. Some times, your communication is clearer than others!

Now some might think that buying presents on eBay and Vinted makes for a more affordable birthday, but not necessarily because once a toy is old enough to be classed by some as “vintage” it is now a collector’s item and priced accordingly! Such details are however irrelevant to you my dear boy and you do make me smile with your persistence – what you want, is what you want and there shall be no deviation from this. But thankfully, between your staff friends and I, I think we managed to cover most of the items you asked for.

But despite all of your anticipation for this day, it is unfortunate indeed that, once again, you have been very very unwell for your birthday. This seems to be a repeating pattern in recent years and I’m so sorry it is so. What started with a fever and apparent cold last week, quickly settled onto your lungs and the coughing and wheezing has persisted. You were kept in school all weekend, at my request, instead of going on your usual trips with your staff friends, but by Monday, you arrived in the classroom and burst into tears. Thankfully, school staff acted quickly to get a doctors appointment arranged, but you fell asleep on the school bus and again in the doctor’s waiting room, resting your head on your favourite TAs shoulder. Then, when you were called in to see the doctor, you sadly informed her, “Adam poorly” and started to cry once more. We were all very proud of your communication but saddened you were so unwell.

There was a brief burst of joy, pizza and dancing for your birthday tea with your school friends last night, but then another very quiet morning as your system regulated again. It’s probably just as well that you had one stack of presents to open at school this morning and then a separate stack here at home later, because one big stack would have overwhelmed you today, I think. Indeed, although you enjoyed opening your favourite presents, but midway through, your movements were getting slower and slower. Finally, you just knelt on the carpet with your little green race car and wheezed and coughed while I got yet more inhalers into you. By tonight, your cough has been so bad that even one of the cats has been coming to investigate and curl up beside you purring in an effort to calm you. Poor lamb, it may be that the antibiotics aren’t quite enough and I need to get you some steroids in the morning but we shall see.

Still, despite being so unwell, you’ve had a fun day I think and you’ve definitely enjoyed your presents. I’ve been touched by the quiet little comments of, “Home nice. Adam likes home.” Yes indeed my boy, I like having you at home too.  I do hope your cough calms enough that you can sleep and truly rest, but we shall see – in the meantime, buckets at the ready my little cherub. 

I love you my birthday boy. Now and always.

Love

Mummy

P.S. “Adam and mummy, we are favourite friends” – just as you say.