Dear Mother,


Now that I am Two Point Five Years Old, I would like to take this opportunity to register my deep and sincerely felt objections to the following:


1.  Soap


2.  Shampoo


3.  Haircuts


4.  Hairbrushes


5.  Plasters


6.  Nasty food  (as in anything that is green)


7.  Nap times


8.  Missing nap times


9.  Bed times


10.  Being told to lie down and go to sleep


11.  Being told not to throw my pillow out of the cot


12.  Being told not to crawl underneath the mattress 


13.  Being told not to heave said mattress out of my cot when I am Registering My Sincere Displeasure Over The Current Situation (see item 9)


I am quite confident we can come to an amicable agreement for the avoidance of all such things in my future, on the condition you are willing to negotiate.  By which I mean agree with me.  By which I mean that I Am Toddler and I Do Not Negotiate.


I look forward to receiving your early response at the following address:


The Toddler
Tv Lounge
Home


Sincerely,
Adam






Dear Adam,


No.


Love 
Mummy