Dear Beautiful Boy,

Today you are fifteen years old and I know I say this every year, but how on earth did you get so grown up?

For weeks now, you have been carefully reminding me of your birthday list at any opportunity, just to make sure I didn’t forget. Whether that’s when I visit you at school, or when you come to see me at church, or any other opportunity. It’s particularly cute when you charge up to the altar rail for your blessing at communion and loudly announce, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, Amen! Adam and Mummy, home birthday, Twenty Five March, TEN PRESENTS! Vtech toot toot criss cross raceway, construction site, garage, police station, white police patrol car, blue racecar, YES!” By this point, the rest of the congregation waiting to receive communion are wearing broad grins as they wait for you to finish your time with Vicar-Mummy, because you are NOT moving until you have finished.

Nearly as entertaining to them was when, two weeks ago, I returned from a four day visit to London and met you in church, having missed one of your regular routine visits. You were so excited to see me, that you were not content to remain in the pews while “mummy does her work” as your staff try to explain, instead you were creeping up onto the dais every few minutes, once trying to remind me of your birthday list and a final time, grabbing the bishops ceremonial chair, dragging it over beside the vicar’s stall, sitting yourself down and announcing, “Adam and Mummy are BEST friends!”

Honestly my boy, you just melt my heart with your sweet innocence and charm…and yet that very innocence is very poignant because of all the reasons why it exists and why you are very nearly frozen in time. Today, we’ve been trying to work on helping you understand how old you are, and we have been repeating, “25 March, Adam’s birthday! Presents!” Then we have tried to add the very difficult concept of, “And how old is Adam today?” You look at me blankly as I gently remind you, “On his birthday, Adam is fifteen years old.” You dutifully repeat it, but just as quickly, the concept fades away as it simply doesn’t have much meaning for you. And so, we carry on, in the endless world of being a toddler – though admittedly one who is now six feet tall.

Last night, as you settled into bed, we read one of your favourite birthday stories, “All Change!” all about the tiger and his friends who went on great adventures in a plane, a train, a bike and a boat, before opening all of the tiger’s birthday presents. As your tired eyes began to close, you reminded me, “Mummy’s room at five!” I had tried to negotiate for seven, but wasn’t sure I’d have much luck. Sure enough, 5:14am….but it was the blinking CAT! Clearly wanting to ensure I didn’t oversleep his breakfast time in the face of all the excitement, he jumped on me, loudly purring and when he found himself grouchily pushed to the floor, he marched downstairs to smack Stinky Barkie and then start a snarling match with FosterBrucie, the massive 12 year old orange boy currently hanging out in the kitchen. Not wanting the miniature zoo to wake you up my boy, I stumbled downstairs and chucked the offending cat into his catio, ignoring the near hurricane (he was NOT impressed) and then shepherded Stinky Barkie into the garden and started making coffee. There were many downsides to the time of day, but at least the upside was being suitably caffeinated by the time you were ready to start your day at 5:55am!

Greeting you with a cuddle and quiet song of “Happy Birthday,” I watched your face light up as you remembered that today was indeed your birthday. Amazingly enough, you made sure we stuck to your routine, which is so important to you, so we cuddled in Mummy’s bed until 6:40am when you agreed with unusual cooperation to shower, dress and even brush your teeth, all with the lure of presents to come. However, because you know that ‘day staff’ at school start their shifts at 7:00am, you have long since decided that even when you are at home, you do not go downstairs until 7am. So you parked your excited self on the landing at the top of the stairs and watched the clock on your iPad, counting down every single minute. Even though I was standing at the bottom of the stairs and filming you, there was no moving until precisely Zero Seven Zero Zero at which point you CHARGED…

Precisely six minutes later, in a blizzard of wrapping paper and joy, all your presents were unwrapped and it was time to start building your toys. We spent the morning working on Construction Site, Criss Cross Raceway, Garage, Police Station and Fire Station in that order – stopping only for breakfast and more coffee for each one of us respectively! The whole process occupied us until 2pm when we were both exhausted and there was just time for some cuddles before you started deciding which toys you wanted to come back to Dove with you, which would stay at home and which would live in mummy’s car for transport between the two. As ever, you were very specific and even managed to clearly and calmly communicate which was which – this showed excellent regulation and I was so proud of you.

Finally, as per routine, at 1540, we got into the car and made our way back to school where you were met by your excited StaffFriend Sarah and your brand new bike! Just one look to realise that the balloon tied to it meant it was for you and you were off down the path into the walled garden, round the greenhouses and straight back at mummy, pedalling for all you were worth! That one lap was enough for now, and you wanted to go inside and have a look at preparations for your birthday tea with all your friends. Finally, you heading upstairs to drop off your bags, just pausing long enough to give me one more birthday cuddle and I wearily climbed back into my car to go home and tidy up the chaos you had left in your wake.

A little while later, it was lovely to hear from Sarah that you’d enjoyed, and managed to stay for your entire party (which was impressive in itself) and she promised me some lovely photos of you opening your school presents and dancing with your friends. All in all, it was a lovely day and more than a bit poignant for me – as ever – as I curled up with a glass of wine to watch the enthronement of the first female Archbishop of Canterbury on iPlayer, as I had been too occupied earlier to watch it live.

Even as I have been intermittently through the day, I reflected on the fact that, in church tradition, 25 March is also the Annunciation to Mary as the Angel Gabriel visits her to say she will carry a most unexpected pregnancy that will change the course of her entire life in ways she never could have expected at the time. While I am certainly not Mary and you are definitely not Jesus, there is always a tender tug at my heart as I remember the ways in which my pregnancy with you, and becoming your mother, has completely changed my life in ways I too never could have imagined.

My beautiful teenage boy, I love you more than words can say, exactly as you are, now and forever.

Love

Mummy