Dear Beautiful Boy, 

Today you are 11 – how on earth did that happen?!  Yes, all right I know it’s just the passing of years but 11 seems impossibly grown up in many ways, even though you will always be young in others.  It might take me a few hours to get my head around that one…or maybe just some coffee.  Thankfully, you decided to be very kind to Mummy and give me a generous lie-in until 6:05am, which was very kind of you.  Forgive me if I wasn’t quite ready for presents by 6:07am?  Must try harder…..

Still, you were trying so hard to be helpful and got out most of the things you need for mummy to make your breakfast.  You were doing really well with the Cheerios, bread and plate, perhaps not quite so well with the cranberry sauce.  I mean it’s red and in a small jar, so it does look like strawberry jam right?  I hope you don’t mind too much if mummy does a subtle swap while you’re not looking though.

After breakfast, I showed you how to open your two birthday cards and this is a win because it’s the first time you’ve ever been interested in cards.  It was quite sweet to see you try to work out how to open an envelope but entirely understandable when you eventually decided it was better just to shred it.  I agree, that is indeed much more efficient.  I carefully helped you read them and then you announced, “Happy Birthday Adam Cheshire!” Yes, I quite agree, happy birthday baby.

You then moved happily onto breakfast while singing LOUDLY, the “Woolly and Tig” theme tune (I love Woolly and Woolly loves me!  We’ve been together since we were wee*!”) which is all about the adventures of a sweet 3yr old girl and her little toy who helps her manage her worries on adventures with Mum and Dad.  Right now, it’s your favourite, although I’m not quite sure you’ve managed the Scottish accent just yet.  It’s amusing to listen to you try though!

Knowing you very well by now, I let you have a little bit of quiet play time after breakfast while mummy cheekily wrapped your last three presents.  In my defence, they only arrived yesterday afternoon.  Thankfully you were too wrapped up in playing to notice so I got away with it.

Then we moved onto shower and dressed; this is always difficult for you because it means making “demands” on you to do something, but you coped really well because I’d told you “Presents next” so that helped.  In the meantime, I was able to load up the lounge with presents, so mummy was being just a bit cheeky – the smile on your face when I told you to wait on the stairs was precious though, and your squeal of “WOW! PRESENTS! WOW!” when you spotted the pile was gorgeous.

Of course the next part went quite quickly as I sat filming through a positive blizzard of wrapping paper but there’s nothing better than tearing into a stack of presents is there?  The smiles and shouts of joy as you discovered a Peppa Pig tablet, two Little Tikes tablets, a toy keyboard and lots and lots of “pink bowling” was lovely as was hearing, “It’s jus’ what you’ve always wanted!”  (You’re not quite too sure of the difference between ‘you’ and ‘I’ just yet but that’s ok). Of course, it was then Mummy’s turn to tidy as you announced, “Time to clean up mummy!”  Indeed, it was mummy’s turn, wasn’t it?

For a number of hours afterwards, you were happily making lots and lots of noise with your happy toys and were entirely absorbed. Mummy might just have been watching you with a gentle smile but you’re too busy to notice so that’s ok.  I wondered if you might like to go out somewhere later on but eventually realised that you were quite content.  I don’t want to overwhelm you with too many things to do and I did watch while you played some bowling yesterday morning so you’ve had a trip recently.

A little while later, your lovely former headteacher rang to sing Happy Birthday to you which was so very kind, you listened with a big grin on your face and then said again, “Happy Birthday Adam!”  It’s the little things that are big.

As I sit here writing this letter to you, I can’t help noticing my calendar reminding me that today is the Feast of the Annunciation – in other words, the point when the church remembers the angel visiting Mary to tell her she was pregnant.  Somehow it seems appropriate because since your birth, I have felt much closer to Mary that I used to.  It’s something about how she accepted motherhood with grace and dignity, even though her path was impossibly difficult and involved as much grief and loss as it did love.  When I look at images of her now, I feel as though I understand just a little bit more of her journey than I once did and admire her all the more for it.  Just sometimes, I whisper a prayer, “Blessed Mother, you know what it’s like to embrace motherhood no matter what twists and turns it holds, pray for me as I try to do the same – please.”  Yes, I also know my Evangelical friends might be squirming while reading this, but that’s ok – they’ll cope.  Whatever brings me strength right?

Now finally, you are falling asleep after a busy and exciting day – in mummy’s bed of course, because you might be a very big grown up boy at 11, but you’re still a little boy in so very many ways.  My baby, I love you just as you are and I always will, no matter when our journey together brings joy and excitement or grief and loss, either way to quote you, “Adam and Mummy are favourite friends – always!”

I love you my birthday boy, sleep well.

Love Mummy

*For non-Scottish friends, ‘wee’ in this instance means small.