I’m not a writer

I’m not. It’s not something I have ever aspired to be, it’s not something I do in my free time, it’s just not me really… first of all my grammar can be atrocious, forget punctuation – I know I used that ellipsis all wrong and I don’t even actually care – and I love a longer than life run on sentence. So I’m not really sure what my thought process really is regarding having a blog. It’s something I’ve tried and failed a ridiculous amount of times. My motivation most times I’ve tried to do this stems from being an introvert of sorts, I thrive in one on one situations, put me in a group or worse a social setting where I don’t know a single soul and I just shrink into a little corner and people watch until I can sneak out and go home. There’s a certain level of loneliness that comes with being that way because I’m just not one of those women who easily makes friends and this past year of being in a new place has produced not a single, solitary friendship and my days are consumed by my kids, and Drs appointments, and my husband when he is here and my thoughts. And it’s just lonely as fuck some days to just be in my head so much, I have so many thoughts swirling around and I want to, I need to get them out, but I hesitate to talk to anyone I know because I don’t want to burden anyone with my stuff. So of course the logical next step would be to create a blog where I, the non-writer, puts all her feelings out into this public domain. I don’t really know, but I know I need some sort of outlet, I need a place to write down my thoughts no matter how repetitive, ridiculous, sad, depressing, or crazy they may sound. I need to be able to say how fucking unfair it is that my son was born with this rare thing and in the same sentence be able to say how amazingly blessed I am to have two beautiful boys that light up my world. I think I need a place like that. And the place may be a blog or maybe the inside of a notebook, or maybe I’ll find that it’s easier and better to keep everything inside my head. I don’t really know. But I think I need a place.

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